CLOUDS

sup diggies

its been 2 days and i feel like ive got a hundred stories, mostly of me getting owned. although people speak english here, I CANT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. it always starts out the same:

me: hi, i need the megabus train to manchester. where can I buy tickets?

chap: the qeue is bungered past over the line down there, half four

me: im sorry, i dont follow, where do i go?

chap: THE QEUE IS BUNGERED PAST OVER THE LINE DOWN THERE. HALF FOUR.

me: huh?

chap: the qeue. is bungered. past over the line down there. half. four.

me: (blank look)

chap: (turns to help someone else)

anyways i got owned at the bus station multiple times, and what should have been a 20 dollar ride at 1;30 pm ended up being  a 50 dollar ride at 5;30. while i was waiting, i did get some entertainment from a 7 foot tall guy, who, despite the many available seats, wanted to squat on the floor in the center of the station. Then an older lady, after thanking me literally 5 times for allowing her to sit next to me, made grunting noises every several seconds. when i looked at her, she smiled, and said  thank you, then went on with her noises.

in manchester i got owned by an indian taxi driver, who used gps to find my address. i was told by christian and anna that the fare should be around 5 or 6 pounds (10-12$), and i told that to the driver. he said he will run the meter, but it will probably be around 10 pounds (20$). then i watched him ignore the gps commands to turn left, instead giving me an impromptu tour of the city. eventually he turned left, then turned left again, and then left again. ok so thats why the 5 pound fare was 10 pounds.

yesterday was fun, we went to manchester’s downtown area to explore. we were in the pharmacy; i was drinking some bottled water while waiting for christian and anna, when 2 girls walked by to buy some hair products. 

white girl: im not sure which one is right, this one makes my hair all slippy

black girl: haha! im glad i dont have to deal with those problems!…(looks at me)…haha!

i thought she was trying to be flirty or something, so i casually smiled and laughed, then went back to staring at deodorants. then i realized in my left hand was the cap to my bottled water; for the past 5 minutes i had been holding my bottle in a phallic position, casually tilting it down (dont ask me why). basically i was slowly spilling water all over the floor. I looked down and saw a giant puddle and then realized why the girls were laughing.

yesterday night i also got in trouble with the police. to get anywhere, you have to ride a bus, and since the fare is somewhat expensive (a few dollars for a 3 block ride) alot of people forge their bus passes (you can buy one for a week and then change the date). Also, the majority here thinks paying for the bus isn’t fair because they are paid for by taxes, but thats a topic for a separate discussion. I didnt think it was a big deal, so I used one of christian’s forged ones. It worked every time, which was 2 times. 

Later that evening, i left my forged pass at home. Instead of paying the 2 dollars for a 3 block ride, we decided we would try a switcheroo: anna shows her pass, christian shows his, anna gives me her pass and then i show it. when we did it, it seemed flawless, but in retrospect, not a good idea because i am showing an identical pass with the same wrinkles, etc. anyways the SNITCH bus lady didnt say anything but gave me a weird look. 

on the next stop she stopped the bus and talked to 6 policemen, who came on the bus and asked to see tickets. anna told me to tell the police man i lost my ticket, which i personally think is dumb because it would imply you are a total moron for losing your ticket 3 seconds after using it (but to give her credit, she was against the idea in the first place). anyways i went against better judgement and said i lost mine, and was kicked off the bus with my compatriots. on the way off, the bus driver identified us, and thats when i swung at her but stopped right before hitting her, to scare her. just kidding. but i did call her a snitch. just kidding i didnt do that either, i just hung my head in shame.

anyways, off the bus the gang of policemen threatened to take me to jail, etc, then said you better just pay the fine. I said ok, he took my information down (my name, in a booklet of hundreds of names, which is ultimately worthless). the fine was 20 pounds (40 dollars) and i had to pay it to the next bus driver. while we were waiting, the cop kept asking me “WELL WAS IT WORTH IT? WAS IT WORTH SAVING 90 PENCE? AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU TRIED TO DO THAT?” and i wanted to tell him, among other things, that i was in fact glad that i spent 40 dollars on a 3 block ride that i could have walked.

immediately after that disaster, we walked to get some fish and chips. the place we found was pretty good, but no seats, so we sat outside on the ground, in the rain. lowest point in my life?